i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
