they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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