a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
