I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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