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• (813): View more from Florida

  Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad

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• (831): View more from California

  period poops. best. ever.

  (925): View more from California

  omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  i dont even know how to be here

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.

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• (626): View more from California

  wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I can dry shave vagina like a champ

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around

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• (909): View more from California

  If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos

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