I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
