He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
