I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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