I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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