Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
