so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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