she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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