I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
