Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
