Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
