I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
