if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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