fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
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So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
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Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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