i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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