i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
