I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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