hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
