And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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