I think I died a long time ago.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
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So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
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Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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