Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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