I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
