I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
