i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
