Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
