This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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