can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
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