Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
