She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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