Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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