Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
