I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
