I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
