i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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