ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
