On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
