i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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