So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
