Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
nutella sex= disaster
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
