last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
