hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
