3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
