We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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