So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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