So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
