Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
