he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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