this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
