Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
