He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
