Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You're so nebulous sometimes
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
