i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
