It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
