the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
