it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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