when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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