I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
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Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
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I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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