I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
