lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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