i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
