omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
honey bunches of taint.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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