after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
