I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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