if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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