idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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