accomplished twins. life is a go
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize