theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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