You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
In America we eat man semen.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
