Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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