your room smells of hookers.
And success
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's never too late to be topless.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
