so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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