There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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