Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
