apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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