dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
