Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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