that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
