I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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