Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
there was a trapeze. enough said
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
