Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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