We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
