Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
