Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
