so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
