Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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